Yes, It's a Disease, BUT There Are Choices

Are you an alcoholic/addict? Family Member of one?
I started typing this on Facebook, and even apologized ahead of time in case it got a little long. Then I decided maybe I better just type it first and see how long it got. Well, I figured out what my first new blog post is.

Some of you may try to say that I don't know what I'm talking about, because I have not "experienced" what I am getting ready to say. Well, you are wrong. I have lived around it, through it, witnessed it, and/or been a survivor of it, in one way or another, my whole life.

Some people may only have “alcoholic” personalities, while others truly are alcoholics. Yes, medical professionals finally admitted that Alcoholism/Addiction is a disease. Which, since it can & is hereditary, we already knew this. I believe they just didn’t want to admit it.

I agree. Alcoholism/Addiction is most definitely a disease. However, do not ever compare it to anything that is terminal. I cannot agree with anyone who may try to say to me: “Well, if your husband/wife/friend/parent had terminal cancer/Parkinson’s/ASL/etc., would you leave them? or turn your back on them? Why are you cutting them out of your life/leaving them for being an alcoholic/addict?!?!”

Well, let me explain something to you. I hope everyone reads this w/an open heart and mind. Most people, with a terminal condition/disease, can treat their symptoms, and try to stay comfortable until they pass away, but it can’t be taken from them. They can’t get rid of it, or even change the label. They have NO CHOICE but to live with the condition until they die. The doctors can’t say “Oh, Johnny, you need to quit “doing this” & you will get better. Then just don’t “do it” ever again, and you will be healthy again.” Or “Let’s go to this awesome place over here, for a couple months, get you cleaned up & some counseling. Then we’ll help you get to this support group each week, or more frequently if you want, and we’ll help you make sure you stay healthy.”  (This isn’t even touching on the destruction that alcoholism/addiction does to your friends & family around you.)

No, they do not have those CHOICES.       Alcoholics/addicts DO HAVE CHOICES!!

Sure, they will “always” be an alcoholic/addict, but they have the CHOICE to become a “Recovering Alcoholic”.

We, as friends, family members, etc., of Alcoholics/Addicts, can only try to help & support them for so long. If they are not willing to help themselves, & change their behavior, we cannot continue to enable, let them think we condone their behavior, OR be subjected to their emotional, verbal, mental & occasional physical abuse. Sure, we will always love them, & we may even forgive them, before they ask for it. However, to break these cycles & rid ourselves of the dysfunction, to grow & stay healthy ourselves, we MUST put up boundaries. Until those people are willing to CHOOSE to get well, and take the actions to do so, we HAVE to keep our distance.

We usually get called selfish, stuck up, or every other name in the book, or even be told we “don’t understand”. Well, Yes, we do understand. We understand that no matter how much we love that person, we need to get & keep ourselves healthy. We understand that we have done as much as we can to try to help them, so now it’s time to help ourselves. We can not make their choices for them. The alcoholic/addict has to make the choice themselves, & ask themselves what is more important? This human being, or the alcohol/drug/other person. 

I have watched 2 people, lose their friends & family, including losing their only son, because they chose alcohol over getting well, & he didn’t want to be around it anymore. One of which I watched continue to drink herself to death, and laugh about the “Oh, they drained 18 pounds of fluid off of me yesterday. Hahaha” while she continued to drink that beer & take those vodka shots, she thought she had hidden. Sure, yes, their families still loved them. Hell, I still loved them, & showed compassion to both, as much as I could. That’s what God wants us to do as Jesus Followers. However, I would not let them sit their complaining & trying to make up excuses as to why the state shouldn’t have taken their son, Or, even now, “He’s 18, almost 19, why hasn’t he tried to contact me?!?!”

Well, dude, he probably knows you are still drinking, and KNOWS you chose your alcohol over him!!! Sorry if the truth hurts, but you’ve known it all along. You just keep making excuses.

I’ve also known people who have been clean and/or sober for 10 yrs., 20 years, 25 years, and they have wonderful lives and relationships with their families and friends now.

So, yes, people, Alcoholism/Addiction is a disease. HOWEVER, alcoholics/addicts DO have a CHOICE to get help & get well. People with other diseases don’t have that choice.

In conclusion, if you are reading this, & have people in your life, that just don’t talk to you much, or they try to avoid you, think about how healthy your life is right now & the choices you’ve made or are making, in your life. Then, without making any excuses for anyone, try to see things through the other people’s eyes. How many times have you chosen alcohol/drugs/a person, over them? How many times have you said or done things that truthfully shouldn’t have been said or done? No excuses, no saying “Oh they deserved it” or anything petty or selfish like that. Maybe it’s time to sincerely apologize to those people, admit you were wrong, and get yourself some help.